I like food, in fact, there was a time I wished to become a chef. Of course, family approval was lacking, and it was more of a fad than a determined decision. I'm now glad that I didn't become a chef, because so many things happen in the kitchen that would make even the Fear Factor guys retch in disgust. If you think afros on food is bad, think again!

We've all heard general doctors tell America not to make "fast food" a part of our daily diet, but do we know why they say this? Is it because they are loaded with artery clogging garbage ingredients? Maybe, but the doctors were likely psychologically scarred during their time in the conglomorate kitchen to pay for college. Yes, finding hairs in your food would discourage any reasonably-minded person from eating any more of their meal, but who would've thought that we'd be snacking on rats? That's right, rats. Years ago, The Dallas Cowboys' game coordinator's wife ordered a salad from McDonald's, of which she partially devoured while on her way home. When she arrived home, she noticed that a six inch dead rat was in her salad. When the family confronted the employees of that branch of McDonalds, they offered no apologies. With good reason: Rats have become a crucial ingredient to a happy meal! In 2001, A Canadian family ordered a Big Mac for their nine-year-old daughter. After she'd bitten into her burger, she noticed that the burger had teeth of it's own. After briefly inspecting it, she realized that she had just consumed part of a rat's head, which apparently, had been maliciously placed into her burger -- it was not cooked! The girl is now mentally scarred for life.

While McDonald's is one of the most recognizable names in the fast food industry, it is not the only restaurant sneaking strange meat into our food. Some restaurants cleverly disguise their fun meat to look like chicken, particularly independent restaurants. Recently, I received an email telling me to "look harder" [sic] at some of the "chicken" being served in some independent restaurants. Ultimately, and unfortunately that email turned out to be clickbait. But of course, this is the decade of conspiracy theories coming true, so keep hope alive, and use the tools God has given you! The Internet has provided us with the ability to reveal the truth with a little bit of Google-fu (despite what politicians may say). So, sorry to say, but it turns out that there are indeed some restaurants that have vowed to serve us "the other, other white meat."

Several years ago, KFC decided to venture into such grounds by feeding a family, Fear Factor-style. A family of six ordered a family sized bucket of chicken. Little did they know, KFC had their own ways of spreading smiles. Shortly after the meal was ordered, someone chomped into a drumstick, and was later asked by a sibling: "what's that crawling out your mouth?" Not-so-shockingly, the chicken was way past rigor mortis when it was served. A double-take at the bucketrevealed that happy little maggots were crawling out of it!. Seemingly, maggots too, find it to be Finger Lickin' Good! The Colonel himself guaranteed the quality of it to be bursting with flavor... Apparently. But, as if KFC wasn't done having fun. In January of 2006, A family that was totally oblivious to KFC's wicked nature decided to go for an after school snack but got more than they bargained for. One daughter crammed some of the food down her throat, and before she knew it, baby roaches raced to the top of the bag. Unfortunately, she had already ingested the food, which ended with her tummy violently screaming (streaming?) at her through her poop shoot. When the restaurant was inspected, the officials discovered more roaches around the storage area.

But, we're just getting warmed up here, you see: KFC isn't the only one laughing, at our expense, of course, as Wendy's has decided to join in on all the fun, demonstrating its glee soon after, when a patron had ordered some baked potato, and hastily gobbled some of it and then discovered Wendy's secret to its deliciousness: a two-inch worm. She was overcome by shock when she realized that only one inch of the two-inch insect was on her plate. She was happily digesting the other half.

What could perhaps be a cause for repentance to the reprobates who insist on eating "fast food," is finding out how the so-called "food" is made. It is used to be common knowledge that the nugget and the patty are usually the by-product, or leftover parts of an assortment of roadkill. But how do they get that way?

Corporations have a nasty habit of being wasteful and care-free with the environment, while being thrifty and conservative with the trash they force us to consume. That said, many meat processing companies don't want any part of their animals to go to waste, so the bowels and entrails, the beak, the feet, the head, etc of the animal is thrown into a machine which would grind the waste until it's rendered as an unrecognizable pile of sludge. For the consumer, the best case scenario results when the machine fails to do this, which was the case with the "chicken-head nuggets." The worst-case scenario would be to have the machine succeed at it's job, in which case, the consumer is unable to tell what he/she's eating. A notable case happened in April of 2001, when officials caught a meat distribution company selling meat contaminated with rat droppings. The owner of the company admitted that she would have the rat droppings cleaned up just before the scheduled inspections, in order to avoid the public humiliation of failing the inspections. Who knows how many of our trusted brands operate using such shady tactics.

As good as "fast food" may taste, there are plenty of reasons for people to quit eating it: it's expensive, it's unhealthy, it's unsanitary, the burger boys are nefarious, it may save you from some psychological scarring, and then some. So, if you're the type that doesn't like unpleasant surprises then it might do you some good if you stop eating "fast foods," otherwise you're either brave, or in dire need of some help! I know we all have to eat, But McDonald's and Co. aren't the only alternatives. I suggest brown-bagging lunch.